Remembering Kecia

It was 1987 and life was pretty swell for a kid growing up in the 80s. We had just moved from Florida to Lansing, MI and I was adjusting to my new surroundings. Growing up in the city, I spent most of my days outside playing with other neighbor kids. But the one I spent most of my time with was Kecia Langston. Kecia and I didn’t get off on the right foot. She was friends with a couple of the snotty girls on the street who were not very kind to the new girl who was always with her kid brother. Sometimes they would invite me to play dolls or kickball (when they needed an extra person), but since I was younger and had not yet established my own friendships, I was frequently taken advantage of by them. This is just the way it is with kids.

Kecia may have joined in on giving me a hard time, but it wasn’t really her style. Before long we got to know each other and she decided I was her best friend. She soon ditched the other girls to spend all her time with me and a beautiful friendship was formed. And what fun we had! We did everything together…riding bikes, sleepovers, played video games, even took turns visiting each other’s churches. We truly loved and enjoyed each other’s company and rarely had any conflict.

It was now 1989 and I was quite established in my new home. I was in 5th grade and the teacher had us read a Newberry award-winning book called “On My Honor” by Marion Dane Bauer. It was a story about two boys who went swimming in a river and raced each other, but one drowned. I remember little else about the book, but that scene has stuck in my mind all these years. I distinctly remember thinking how awful it would be to lose your best friend…and that I could never imagine that happening to me. It was just too awful and tragic to even consider.

From the time I met Kecia I knew she had some health issues. Nothing serious, or so I thought, but around that time we had one of our sleepovers and suddenly she came down with an incredible fever. She was so very sick and had to go home. I assumed she would bounce back quickly, but nothing was ever really the same after that night. The times she was able to leave the house and play outside became less frequent and doctor visits became more frequent. Still, I didn’t understand what was going on or how serious her condition was

How naive I was, but this continued on for 3 more years. I began to get used to not seeing Kecia quite so often, though I still made the effort every chance I got. Her parents always encouraged my visits as they said I always cheered Kecia up when she wasn’t feeling well and knew how to make her laugh. We were a silly pair! She would be pulled out of school for a time and what joy I would feel when she would come back for a while. Things would feel normal and then suddenly she would get sick and be taken out of school again.

Just before 8th grade, my family moved up to Traverse City. Saying goodbye to Kecia was extremely difficult, but we kept in touch regularly. Every time we would travel downstate for the weekend we would spend as much time together as possible and have a great time. I even took notice that she was looking healthy, putting on weight and becoming a young lady. Things definitely seemed to be looking up for her and we even began making plans for her family to visit us up north soon, so I definitely was not prepared for the news I would get a couple months later.

A mutual friend called to tell me that Kecia was in the hospital in a coma. I couldn’t really process what was happening, as it all seemed so sudden! My mom called the hospital immediately and was told they could not share any information with non-family members. My mom explained how I was her best friend and how much time she had spent with our family, so the nurse relented and informed us that Kecia had passed away earlier that day. My world came crashing down in an instant and my innocence lost.

Apparently, Kecia had died from complications of Lupus. Her parents were never clear about her condition or the severity of it and to this day I’m not completely sure why they kept it from me (and even my parents). It’s odd looking back how I didn’t see the signs. My experience with death and sickness was extremely limited and so many people suffer from various conditions that are not life-threatening. Since Kecia and both our parents never expressed serious concern, I trusted there was nothing to worry about. 

Losing my best friend was earth-shattering. Having recently moved from the street we grew up on together made it easier to remain in denial, but even as much as I tried to avoid facing the truth, it haunted me. Nothing was ever certain again and I always felt the loss of this precious person in my life. No friend that came after her could be a good enough replacement. She set an impossible standard because our friendship was pure with no ulterior motives. We were just two kids who wanted to hang out and have fun together. That’s the beauty of childhood.

Even now I still have a difficult time looking back. Seeing things for what they were and question if I could have done more, comforted her more, spent more time with her, told her more how important she was to me. I still have a difficult time with stories like “On My Honor”, “The Bridge To Terabithia” and “My Girl”. It always surprises me how they have the ability to break that little girl’s heart inside and make me cry.

While it would be easier to forget, easier to never think about it, I don’t want Kecia’s memory to fade. As the years go on it becomes more important to me to remember her and what she meant to my life, which is why I decided to write this post. It’s important to keep her memory alive and reflect on the joy of knowing that one day we will meet again. On that day it will be like no time passed between us and then we will have eternity. Isn’t that how Believers should see all pain and loss, as only temporary? So I will remember it and glean from it what I can…but more importantly, anticipate the day all sorrow will be forever annihilated!

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.” -Thessalonians 4:13-14