Agreeing to Agree on Disagreeing
Article originally published on Doorway Publishing
“Come now, and let us reason together.”
— Isaiah 1:18
My sister and I had a rather heated discussion recently on some sensitive social issues. It was getting a little intense, but then my phone started dying and we agreed to take a step back and move past it. So naturally, I took that as an invitation to tell her how I really felt — I wasn’t mad at all. In fact, I expressed how much I preferred having a conversation with someone who knows their own mind and has opinions, than with someone who doesn’t think for themselves. And no question, my sister thinks for herself!
Not that it’s always a pleasant experience to hotly debate someone you love over an issue you’re both passionate about, but when all is said and done, I love that my family are an opinionated bunch. Growing up in such a family with 7 strong-minded siblings was a real challenge for my naturally fun-loving self, but I now thank God for the many ways I benefitted from it and continue to do so. Most notably, how no opinion went unchallenged. If you made a claim, you better back it up with facts and logic. And if you don’t, prepare to face total humiliation. Well, perhaps it’s not as bad as all that, but there is something to be said about the motivation that comes from wanting to save face. We simply don’t let each other off the hook too easily, and I respect that.
We need people in our lives who call us out from time to time. It makes us stronger and our opinions more refined so that we are capable of going out into the world to make our case when fighting for the things we care about. But most importantly, it’s taught me how to have difficult discussions and not allow them to destroy my relationships over it. These are attributes I believe we are sorely missing in our society these days. Everyone cowers when their worldview is challenged and if they can’t fight back with words, they lash out emotionally or straight up cut you out of their life for good. Social media makes it worse. We doubt the intentions of people we have known and loved for years. We would rather hide out in our safe spaces, away from people who care about us, than to actually face scrutiny. What pride we have in thinking we are always above reproach!
I’m not saying it is comfortable to be challenged. Worse yet, to be…WRONG…UGH! It’s just not. But it’s good for our ego to take a blow from time to time. After all, not everything good for us makes us feel warm and fuzzy. In fact, sometimes the best thing for our growth is to be forced out of our comfort zone. And if we believe in the goodwill of the people in our lives, then it’s also not the end of the world. Hopefully, we can allow each other a little grace and maybe learn from one another. Or maybe you’ll never agree at all, but at least you thought deeply about something important and further developed your convictions. Doesn’t that count for something?
One thing I know about my sister, she loves me, but she also genuinely believes what she is saying. Isn’t that okay anymore? I sure hope she knows the same about me, and I think she does because we always manage to lay our angst aside and rekindle our usual friendly rapport. And what helps us overcome these obstacles, at the end of the day, is that we genuinely love and even like each other. That’s a great place to start! Or as C.S. Lewis so eloquently put it…
“You will not find the warrior, the poet, the philosopher or the Christian by staring into his eyes as if he were your mistress: better fight beside him, read with him, argue with him, pray with him.”
— C. S. Lewis
